We have ways to uplift our spirits when we are feeling down, having a bad day, received some bad news or just feeling blah. Many of these techniques often involve seeking external validation.
Examples of seeking and relying on external validation include:
Seeking social media approval: Likes and stamp of approval comments from followers.
Feeling confident and fulfilled when other people agree with you. Disagreement from other people can evoke feelings loneliness, self-doubt, shame and/or anxiety.
Needing the consistent approval of others to validate that you are a good person.
A healthy support system is imperative for our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Co-dependency and scanning the environment for validation may speak to internal conflict that needs addressed to experience genuine happiness, life satisfaction, and fulfillment.
The following strategies can be used to begin seeking validation and approval from within:
Make a YOU journal: At the end of each day; focus on the things you did well, gratitude, accomplishments, proud moments, progress made toward any goals and time you allowed yourself to be still. Doing this regularly will allow self-validation to become a habit. Get used to celebrating YOU.
Accept and observe your emotions: Accepting emotions is not resigning yourself to pain. It simply means being aware of your emotions and accepting them for what they are in the moment, knowing they will not last. Emotions come and go. Some are short lived and some stick around longer. Try this activity:
Identify the emotion: Pay attention to your body sensations and give the emotion you are feeling a name (anger, sadness, shame, fear)
Observe: Close your eyes (if it feels safe). Imagine putting the emotion a few feet in front of you and observing it.
Form: What size is your emotion? What shape is your emotion? What color is your emotion?
Reflect on what you noticed about your experience. Did you notice any change in the emotion when you created some distance from it?
What am I hoping to get out of external validation? Are you seeking an opinion, confirmation, words of encouragement, or compassion? Before seeking external validation, reflect on what you need in the moment and try giving it to yourself.
Remember, the goal is not to stop leaning on your support system. The goal is to learn to be there for yourself. Everything you need is already inside of you. Your support team a bonus to your greatness.
To Your Health and Prosperity,
Sharise