Have you ever noticed that when a request is made of you, you say yes to the request without giving it much thought? Your lips are saying no, but your voice squeaks out the words yes. Why does everyone expect so much of you? Why do they always ask you to take care of everything?
The truth is people make requests for your time because they think you’re the best person to do the job. Or maybe you’re the only person who will agree to do the job. Or maybe they just don’t want to do it, and you’ve always been known to step in and save the day. None of these reasons require you to agree to the task.
Agreeing to do things we don’t want to be doing, will make you miserable and are not good for you. Use the following tips to take control over your life by learning to say “no” and setting some boundaries:
1. Replacing “yes, sure, no problem” – Try uttering the words “let me get back to you in a minute” instead of immediately replying with “yes”. This will give you a minute to take a deep breath and try to figure out whether you really want to say “yes” or “no”.
2. Give an alternative offer – Include a compromise solution that doesn’t involve your full participation, but rather partial or side involvement. Ex: I can’t take on any extra work this week, but if you still need help, I can do it next Thursday.
3. Offer a compliment or kindness as a cushion for the “No” – You can praise their idea but explain that you’re not interested. The basic idea is to reject the person but be kind at the same time. Ex: I really appreciate you asking me, but I’ll have to pass this time.
4. The world will go on – Just because you say no to something doesn’t mean that the world will stop. Don’t let the feeling of being almost irreplaceable or words to that effect influence you into saying yes when you really want to say no.
5. Improve your self-esteem – If you don’t value yourself then you won’t value your time very much either. With better self-esteem the time and the energy you have will become more valuable and you will not want to waste it on things that don’t bring you joy.
It might be hard at first, but in the long run you’ll get to know yourself a whole lot better, and in turn feel empowered to take control of your life. Use the resources here to hone your skills so that you’re able to more easily recognize and deal with the situations where it’s your best response.
To Your Health and Prosperity,